SIMBORG'S LAWS OF BACKGAMMON
It’s easy to tell when you have a great roll--the dice will be cocked.
The secret of success is to always play worse players (and roll great).
Anyone who isn’t superstitous hasn’t played much backgammon.
For every cube action, there is an equal and opposite cube action (that will bite you in the ass later).
There are three kinds of people in this world: those who know how to count pips and those who don’t.
Never give a cube you’re afraid will be taken.
Buying your opponent drinks is the best investment you’ll ever make.
The shortest distance between two points is a drop.
Happiness is a two hour box run.
If you’re not a compulsive/addictive personality, there’s no point playing backgammon.
No cube is too big if the stakes are too low.
When the match is over, everyone thinks they rolled worse.
It’s easy to make a great play: just think of a really dumb play, and do the opposite.
If you want someone to really hate you, right after you win a game, point out what they did wrong.
If you want someone to really hate you, complain about your rolls right after you’ve won.
There’s no more difference between playing for money and playing for fun than there is between a water pistol and a loaded gun.
With computerized backgammon, it is now possible to feel angry, degraded, and depressed any time and any place in the world, twenty-four hours a day.
Playing in too big a game is like reaching under a cow: you can get hurt bad if the steaks are over your head. (And you can get udderly creamed.)
You are most likely to win back games when it’s your opponent who is playing them.
Duplication is highly highly overrated.
You can judge a player by his hit and cover.
The number of good rolls is directly proportional to the number of good plays.
Please forgive me if I don’t remember playing you before--it’s probably because you beat me.
Remember: once in a while, people actually lose for reasons other than just bad rolling.
If you stop to truly consider all the variables before every move, plan on at least spending the night.
If you want to really bore someone, tell them all about your bad rolls.
You can't win if he has nothing to lose.
I like opponents who have courtesy and cash.
If making others happy and being kind to others is important to you, then you should not play backgammon.
He who bears off last, laughs last.